Leia's Birthday Bash

Leia made a decision on where she would celebrate her birthday. I told her, that like anyone else in this earth, she should only has one birthday, she had an option, where she celebrated in school, or anywhere else, and she made her choice, "I want to celebrate it in Opa's place!" My father was immediately full of joy, and proud of his grand daughter choice.
So, we just had it, on the Halloween day. It was a bright, nice Saturday, where the sun shine, but not too strong, and the clouds were gone for a while. We had simple, but yet nice celebration. We had it outside, in a cool, and nice breeze. We had yummy lunch, followed by the traditional Monkey performance. The children had a blast, they pretended to be the monkey, and they all ran away, when the monkey came close to them. They fed the monkey with the bananas. The monkey performance however, was okay, yes it was pity though, I could not watch the whole thing, but I complained the performance was so long. The children loved it, and the adult who hadn't watch it for a while, loved it even more.
Leia demanded to blow her candle, right after the monkey performance and continued to swim with her friends. She had a blast, her friends had a blast! That's what important I think. Nicest, simplest birthday with people and children who matter most for Leia.

Happy Birthday Leia

To my baby girl, Happy 4th Birthday.
May you continue to twinkle like a little star,
may you continue to love and enjoy the life.
May you be what ever you choose to be, and
May you continue to be happy and joyful.
I love you my baby girl.....

Leia blew her candle at 4.30am this morning.

A little that I know

A little that I know about being a mother, I know one little thing for sure, that is; it is my duty to make my daughter's childhood as fun as possible. For sure, it is because, it will only come once in her life time.
So, I found a bit difficult being a mom here in Jakarta, since most of other moms like to go to the mall, and spend the rest of the day, weeks or even years in it. The mall provides many things that one family need. You can spend 8 hours in the mall, from breakfast, lunch till dinner, and your kids can do as many activities as one could think of, of course in the mall.
I, on the other hand, found this very unusual. I rather go to the park (sure..here in jakarta?) or to the playground (again, sure...here in jakarta?). However, not many of Leia's friends agreed with Leia's mom. Many of moms also love to go and spend 8 hours a day in the mall.
Recently, I found a new friend, she is of course Leia's friend mom. She spent her past 15 years in America, between San Francisco and New York, for once, I found a mom who has the same vision as mine. She has two boys, Ray and Jody, and she loves museum hopping, and I asked the question, "Museum? Really?? Here in Jakarta??" See....a little that I know. However, she can give me a list of recommended museum that Leia and I can go to. We have lots of things in commons, one of the things that I just found out, our love for the "Antropologie store", for once, I felt, I was in the same country or same place that I used to, that I was not weird, because I didn't really introduce Leia to movie theater, or Leia was never been to that place in that mall, for once, I felt, I was at the same ground that I used to.
Anyway, we spent the whole day at her house yesterday, again, a little that I know, she is an artist herself, with her creativity, and Leia's fast pace energy, she managed to make more activities that maybe I've ever made in one day. And this was she said to me, "Leia is very lucky to have a good mother like you!" and so do her boys. She has a lovely home, I can see a touch of San Fransciscan with New Yorker in her house with a touch of genuine kindness and loveliness.
A little that I know, I found a new friend, from my little girl.

NYTimes.com: Nannies Get Holiday. Rich Families Get a Suite.‏

INTERNATIONAL / ASIA PACIFIC | September 28, 2009
Jakarta Journal: Nannies Get Holiday. Rich Families Get a Suite.
By NORIMITSU ONISHI
Their domestic workers out for Ramadan, Indonesia's wealthy are on their own; many check into hotels.

Go to: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/28/world/asia/28jakarta.html?emc=eta1

This is what my dearest friend wrote to me:
Wow - so pampered! Tasia -> is this your Jakarta life? Such an interesting article to read. xo Jill


Is this how people perception of living in Jakarta? So sad...yet, so true....

About a Dog

Leia got a dog from my mother in law, and she named her lulu. The thing about Lulu, even though yes, she is so cute, and all, some one needs to take care of her, of course...like any other pet in the household, you need to take care of it. (DUH!)
When I decided to fire my helper, that effected Lulu as well. Now, who is going to take care of her?
Then, I left Lulu in my mother house, but still, clean the cage, and look after her food, and take care of her left behind...(if you know what I mean). My uncle who also lives in the house, doesn't seem to mind, Lulu is a quite and yet playful dog, so he took Lulu for a walk for times to times.
Today, I came, and Lulu was unleash, all over the place, and her dumps were every where also. Hmm...I wonder who took out Lulu from the cage. As my other cousin woke up (yes, we all live in the same house, all of us like 20 dozen of us, just like dogs would!), my mother told her, not to left Lulu alone, since she didn't even want to pick up her dump! And my grandmother would do it for her! My uncle complained last night about it also, and said, that she needed to take care of her as well. So, I told her, in my ways, and maybe my way was not the best way, since she cried after that, all I'm saying, if she had to go on her German lesson, which was in other place, please kindly, put Lulu back in the cage, and if she couldn't sleep at night, and decided to play with Lulu, and got sleepy, please put lulu back in the cage! That is all!!! So, my cousin cried, and said, that was the 1st time she had done it, and she was pity of the dog, and because I got mad, she wouldn't ever touch Lulu again. So be it then!!! I didn't even ask her to take Lulu out of cage. So, now, I have to take Lulu back to my house, in the cage from 6 am - 6 pm, yes that is 12 hours, in the cage then!
For whatever reason, then my mom scold me, she said, do I have to be mad at her? And I was, excuse me....you were the one who put the matter in the table, and since Lulu is my f****** dog, I thought I should let her know, other wise more people will got involve!
Anyway...there went my morning, not too mention my mother quoted, "Tasia is more patience with other people children but not her own...." Ooouuuuccccchhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Suck to be me huh this morning! I hate my life....!!!

A Little Living Lesson

I decided to fire my helper. She got caught once to many times on stealing things from my house as well as from my auntie's house. So, enough is enough, once she decided to go back for lebaran, I never insisted on her coming back.
Leia was the one who missed her at the most. Since, she played with Leia most of the time, Leia kept asking on when is Novi going back, and assured Leia, and Novi will not ever come back.
So, the house chores, become 'our chores', as Leia watched her program, I swept and mopped the floor. Leia is a great helper, especially if things she wanted to do, have to do with water. So, she decided to wash her clothes, or helped me mop the floor. These activities turned out to be the activities Leia waited for after we went home. Last night, Leia washed the clothes with her father, and it became a great father daughter activity. Also watering the plant.
Each night, she helped me out, I made sure that I thanked her. The first night, I thanked her for helping me mopping the floor, and Leia said, "Thank you also mama for making me dinner." That just made my day, the "Thank you" word was just so powerful, it made us appreciate each other, not just taking advantage of our kindness.
A little living lesson, started from a little appreciation of life itself.

Leia's Favorite Oatmeal Pancake

Ingredients:
2 cups of Quaker Qat meal, soaked into 2 cup of fresh milk, leave it for 10 minutes.
2 cups of wheat flour
2 eggs
1 tsp of Baking Soda (optional)

Mixed everything together, and cooked them, served them with Maple syrup.

Leia can eat this everyday as a breakfast.

Enjoy.

My Tayada

For those who know me, I owned a little Batik workshop, I do want to call it a little workshop, since it is small, but yet beautiful, I mean, really small and beautiful.
The shop owned by my other two partners who I love, admire, and adore dearly.
Yenny, my classmate in high school, we sat next to each other through high school, we shared bajaj together every day for the past 2 years, she is my truly friend, for better, for worse, and yes, till do us apart.
Deddy, our creative guy, he is not only able to draw, but he also is able to draw our mind! I totally adore his work and yes his design.
As the three of us with the same vision, not just making money, or should I say, beside making money, we want to preserve our heritage, the one thing that has been knowledge by United Nation, Batik is Indonesian heritage.
Let me tell you about the story of Tayadans....we are fun, hip and loving people. We had meeting out in the Bakoel coffee to Hong Kong cafe, we brought all of our fabrics to these coffee shop, hauling with bags and suit cases. Did we ever get tired? Nooooooooooooooooo......we loved our meeting, and we looked forward every week to meet one another. We laughed, joked and cried tayada's style!
So, one day, we decided to look for a little workshop, a place where we can call home for Tayada. Yenny and Deddy searched for it. They searched until one day, Yenny found a little place in Jl. Cibitung1/19, we saw it, we loved it, and then from August 1, 2009, we called that place "Home for Tayada" We are very proud of our accomplishment. It was just a perfect present for our 1st year anniversary.
On Friday, October 2, 2009, my little batik workshop held the very first time its own fashion show. I felt nothing...(as usual) I mean, usually I was very emotional about things that I called my own, but this time, I was calm, and steady. My very talented designer and partner, was very excited, he even more talented that I was ever remember. He made things even more beautiful than it used to, or even more colorful that I once remembered.
The models were tall, and modern look. So, professional, even though they were young.
The fashion show started around midnight, and yes, so many people supported us by attending to our 1st fashion show, and they all wore Tayada.
Tayada is not tayada without Tasia, Yenny and Deddy. No matter what, we create this, we are so proud of it, and wish the very best of luck to to the three of us.

Twinkle twinkle Leia's star, created on April 25, 06

Today, my little star is 6 month old. She is just a bright star to her parents, grandparents, and especially to her great grandma. I am so bless with many things in life, but for Leia, I can't never thank God enough for her. From her rise to her dawn, she has her magic to make those people even more in love with her. And so do I.

Motherhood is a new thing for me, I am still adjusting to it. It is more feeling than thinking, it is more an intuition than an emotion. This is the only job that I can't resign, this is for the rest of my life. I am really looking forward for it. As for now, I really enjoy being her mother, especially at the play time. Being a teacher and taking care of someone else's child, I thought that would be so great, play for a couple of hours, and sent the child back home. I never thought having a child of my own is even better. I can't wait to see Leia's smile, at the end of my day, or listen to her sweet sound when she bables or giggles.

I spent my whole day today with Leia. She didn't affraid of cold water in opa's pool anymore, she was just enjoyng the cold water today with me of course. She learned how to make splash to the water and when the water hit her face she was okay with it, not cying anymore. She is a brave little girl, just like her grandma. She ate alot today, the biscuits, the fruits, the bread, and still nursing, since she knew that mama didn't go to work today. We played, laughed, took a walk in the moring, and nap together.

After today, I wish I can be a good mother for Leia. After all, she might be the only child that I want.

What a wonderful life!, created on May 08, 06

It is so hard sometimes to live in this world, for me, it is easier to live than to adapt to the life itself. I got so used to my life before, sometime I compare and continue to compare to what I am going trough now. The fact is my life is different now and I am still adapting in my new life.

I am a kind of a person that will not regret anything in my life. What ever was in the past, I would leave it behind with an open heart. All the memories I will keep in deep in my heart, because it was a good one, and sadly, it will just happen once. Yes, I just realize this one, I was a child one, with a happy childhood, then, I was a teenager, with a happy yet rebellious teenage hood. Then, I moved on to college hood and single hood, with a sad, happy, wild, and extremely wild hoods. And I am in a motherhood stage. I feel I have done it all. Looking back, I have to admit, to how many boyfriends I had dated, beers and alcoholic beverages I had drink, bars I had hopped in, pack of cigarettes I had smoke, and girlfriends I had passed on. And well...my readers, they were plenty!! I am now can say, been there done that!! No regrets. It was so damn fun!

Now, I am a wife and a mother. Yes, life is not as wild as it was before, calmer and settle. It is not always happy, but yet, it is not always sad. It is not always bright, but yet it is not always gloomy. I can smile now as I typed this blog, because I accept my life now. Once a person told me this, "And we thought that you are happy!" and I stunned to hear such phrase, what make you think that I am not? It is not always in the upper part, but yet, it is not always down part either. I will not pretend on who I am. I know for sure that I will not have a perfect life according to a dictionary or to other judgemental people, but I know for sure, that I HAVE a perfect life, that, I will not ask for more. I count my blessing everyday, and I will live my life to the fullest! I choose to live this way, I who decide that, not other judgemental people! It is a beautiful life not matter how hard it is.

Down By the Plaza Indonesia, created on May 13, 2006

Early afternoon. See lots of pretty ladies all around. See the cashier operated the credit card machine, cha...cha..choo choo...you got your merchandise.

There are lots of things that you can find in that place. Mostly yummy and expensive stuff, but most important thing, is, where all the pretty, skinny, bright, shinny skin ladies meeting point. When I said ALL I meant ALL.

The body image is everything in this country. You think America is bad enough on making body image from barbie to models. I think, this country is worst, it is full of anorexic and diet obsession woman. And I think, I used to be one, or maybe I still am.

After I gave birth, I went through lots of changes in my life, including, my body. I used to be a size 0, now I went up to size 6. Just this afternoon, I wanted to try on pants, I told the sales representative my size, instead just zipped her mouth and got my size, she had to say, "ooh...the large one maam." Gees, I thought, all the people from women Rights, or from bla..bla..bla..women organization should come up here, and march down sudirman and do demonstration on bunderan HI, just to persuade the government to make constitution, so women here in Jakarta can eat normally and ignore on how the body image should be. Seriously...I really wish that I can go back to my normal size, I wish that everyday after I gave birth. Too bad, I did not follow the tradition of many mothers here in foreign city, which is, after you gave birth, instead eating healthy so you can nurse your baby, you have to stop eating, until you go back to your normal size. Forget breast feeding, it is just for the poor, and forget to be a role model, so your children can have a healthy diet, they should be skinny so they can fit to skimpy tank top anyway. Just stop eating...

After reading so many parenting magazines, and repeated twice in every edition, I came to realize, that maybe I don't have to go back to my normal size. Maybe it is okay for me to have a bit bigger size than I had before. I am a mother now, and yes, I can embrace a bit about it. I admit, I am still planning my weight loss now, but maybe into more healthier way.

ma...mama...mama, created on May 14, 06

Today is my first mother's day. I woke up this morning, and found out that I got pooh slippers with a really nice card that has lots of Leia's pictures in it. I guess, my husband did a good job on his homework then, ;). It has been almost 7 months I am being a mother, and the counts are still going and going and will never stop.

An African proverb said, "It takes a whole village to raise a kid" and it is true. My wonder, what does it take to be a mother? Does it take the whole village? It takes the whole life for sure. I was thinking about this the whole day today. What does it take to make a good mother?

I think, and I am still thinking, it starts from here....my own mother. No....my grandmother, okay, I won't go any further than my grandmother. I admire my oma so very much. As a woman, she has the ability to do women's work, I mean, let's name a few, sewing, knitting, cooking, and speaking foreign language. As a wife, she had a good mind, she did not depend on her husband on anything, she could make it on her own, from what I heard, she managed paying her 7 children school fee from selling the ice cream or collecting the empty bottles and jars and sold it to other store. As a mother, she told her children not to depend on anyone. She told her daughters to be as tough as a man, to know how to be a woman, and a wife. To think like a man, and have a heart like an angel. So, I am so proud to be one of the grand daughter of this wonderful and special woman.

My Oma, is still a woman, a wife, and a mother. Adding a few, she is now a grandmother, and a great grand mother. Leia is so lucky to have a great grand mother like her. I thank God everyday that Leia is still got a chance to be love and love by my Oman. My Oma is the one who invented Leia's schedule, from the day I brought her up to Oma's house, till the day I came to pick her up, oma is the one who know everything about my Leia. I follow oma's schedule during the weekend, and if there is something wrong with Leia, oma is the one that i will call. Oma is my source of everything. Oma was the one who got worry when my breast milk was getting less and less, she was also the one who cooked all the meals, so I got all the nutritious food for my breast milk. For me, Oma is everything, oma is my source on how to be a good mother.

My mother on the other hand, she is one busy, brave and fearless woman. I told lots of people, that I am yet a superwoman daughter. Leia however, is a super baby, since she is a superwoman grand daughter. My mother taught me lots of things, of course she got it from her own mom, but then she added her motherhood here and there, she spiced thing up a bit, she kicked it up a notch! She is a fun and ready to go on adventure on her own. She gave me lots of memories that I will never forget. She is a fun loving mother. She is my role model, and my idol. She has this huge heart, and she loves my father so dearly. She also gave me the best gift that I have ever had, my sister.

So, what does it take to be a good mother? I think none of us will have a correct answer to that. Just be, and enjoy the day you become a mother.

I dedicate this blog for my grand mother and my mom. Happy mother's day!

Pat A Cake, created on May 20, 06

Pat a cake, bakers man, bake me a cake as fast as you can, you pat it and prick it and mark it with L, put it in the oven for Leia and me...as Leia will hit my palm with her little palm, while I sang the song. Another version of the song, was when Leia great grandma sang Pok Ame, Ame. She will also hit her makco's palm (that's how Leia calls her great grandma) with her little palm, as she jumped up and down follow the rhythm. Leia grows so fast. Too fast sometime I felt. She is now crawling, laughing out loud, babbling, climbing and standing. She calls me Ma..ma..every time she gets hungry and in need of nursing. Everyday, she has different thing to discover. She blows strawberry too now, as she is discovering her sound skills. This is the first time in my life, that I wish and only wish, if a day would be 48 hours, and a month will be 60 days. So I'll have more time to enjoy my little girl invention of stuffs in her little life and surroundings.

Today, Leia swam again. She tried to do monkey walk (where she went to the ledge and tried to stand and walk), moved side to side (so she used to the sound of the water), and glided! (she loved that so much). She gave her swims teacher a bye bye gesture, as she moved her hand to open - shut position (not waving yet), her teacher right away gave a "oooh....." sound as she watched Leia doing her bye bye gesture. Also, today, Leia pooped in the bath room, sat on the toilet seat, she was so cute..and smart! Good Job my baby! She loves to drop her cup and watch me pick it up, as I said "ooo..oow!" every time she dropped the cup, she looked at me, and after I said "ooo..oow" she laughed and laughed.

Leia is her opa's joy. Opa waits at the front gate everyday, for Leia. When Leia sees her Opa, she will smile at him, and give her hand to reach for him. Then, before took a bath, Leia sits on her stroller, and strolls with Opa for a while. This is the routine that Opa especially invented for my baby. Opa also will send me an SMS just to ask how's Leia day went, or what was Leia doing at that time. Was Leia sleeping already? I am so profound of the relationship that my daughter has with her Opa. If we spent the night in Menteng, Opa will sleep with Leia, and he is happily sleeping with Leia, with the sudden cry at midnight, or early morning, he is so enjoy his day being Leia's opa. And together with Opa, Leia dances and makes a bye bye gesture again and again.

Sometime I wonder if I made a right decision to go home for good, now without doubt, I made a right decision, for myself, and my daughter. I just wish and only wish that we can live closer to tante Bea.

Humpty Dumpty, created on 06/13/06

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall, all the king horses and all the king's man, couldn't put humpty dumpty together again..

For so long, I had been thinking about this nursery rhyme, I am so sure someone must create this rhyme with lots of meaning behind...(no, Tom Cruise did not create the rhyme!) There were lots happened in this world since the last blog I wrote.

The first one, the earth quake had been such a disaster to a city near by mine. My dad was there, he called home about a minute after the earth quake. My reaction was...no..I had no reaction at all! When he called with the news, telling me that the earth quake just rocked the city that he stayed, I was like...hmm..so what? He was yelling, and telling me to watch the news or listen to the radio. And so, I did, and I couldn't believe what I saw, I couldn't imagine what I heard, and yes, my dad was right, it was a big earth quake, and from that moment, I got down on my knees and prayed. I thank God, that my dad is fine, and he is still alive. He went home on that afternoon, arrived in my city on early morning the next day. The city had been destroy, lots of people lost their love ones, the property and the precious memory of the city itself. At this time, they are rebuilding the city, but whether it will be the same as before, well....I guess, all the king's horses and all the king's man, couldn't put humpty dumpty together again....

Leia's Many Color Days, created on 07/07/06

I love to read My Many Color Days to Leia. As she will sit next to me, and try to eat the page. Leia is getting bigger and bigger at this point. She is eight months and 2 weeks. She crawls every where, chases me or her opung and when she got one of us, she will hold tight on my or his leg and we have to pick her up. She babbles as if she was talking to us, she is pretty expressionist on what she likes and dislikes. She gets it right a way, that if she wants something and she can't get it from mama, she will simply ask to opung, grandpa, or makco, and she will get it! All of these she is master by her 8 months of life! Imagine that, such a little brain, gains so much informations in such a short period of time.
She claps her hands too, with the sound, and when I sang to her, she would clap for me! Awsome huh??

As for me, I am enjoying every second of my time with my daughter. I rocked her body back and forth when I sang, row row row your boat. She will clap when I sing, if you happy and you know it clap your hand...she is so much fun at this point. I taught her to play hide and seek, she was scare at the first, when she realized that she was alone in her room, but she will right away look for me, as I called her name, from where I hiden. She knew, and found me! What a bright little girl.

Leia's day sometimes yellow, just like a busy bees, or sometimes pink, just like a flamingo, and she will just jump, bouncing up and down as she grins her little smile. On a bad days, her day was gray, as she dragged her blankie away. But no matter what color is her day, she will still be my baby.

Pop!Goes the weasel! created on 07/12/06

The fear of being a mother is one thing, the fear of being a good mother is another thing.
I live in the planet, where assistance comes so easy, as if it is the benefit of life itself. This planet believes that if everything needs help, you can not do it by yourself.

Since Leia was born, I decided not to have a nanny for her. When I was about to go to work, I decided to get a helper, who will help me take care of leia during the days I worked. Sadly, that didn't work. I didn't have a heart to let the helper play or even help me with Leia. I like having leia just with me, or my family. I don't really like the idea of a nanny, and being a preschool teacher makes me even harder to have a nanny.

Yesterday was a different story. As I wrote on my previous blog, Leia is 8 months now. soon to be 9 months. She is one active little girl! And my grandma, some how needs help to take care of her. My grandma is 80 year old healthy lady. so, I went to the agency who distributes and trains nanny. As I got to the administration office my heart was pounding, I kept wonder if I made a good decision. I kept going then, I have to at least give a try to the nanny idea. So, I interviewed my nanny to be, and I brought her home to meet my little girl.

Today is the first day that Leia has a nanny. She was unhappy today, not like other day. She didn't smile or laugh as much as she used to be in other day or she didn't eat as much as yesterday either. I supposed, she knew the differences.. There were not makco arond as much as other day, and mama had to go to back to work already. So, it all made sense to her today. Today she has to play with this stranger who happily entertain her all the time. When I came back from work, she looked at me, as if I was gone for a long time. She wanted me to hold her, and never let her go. It is so funny yet so amazing, to see the changes on Leia, a baby, my baby.

Tomorrow is another day, hope fully is a better day for her. As I whisper on her ears, that I will always love her, and never ever let her go....

Guess How Much I love you, created on 07/29/06

"A little nut brown hare hangs on tight to the big nut brown hare ears, "Guess how much I love you" he said, "Oh..I don't think I can guess that!" said big nut brown hare."

I read that book over and over again, since Leia was inside me. I just want to make sure that leia will feel that I love her so much.

Recently, I got into something, that I wish I did not get in or even around it. I was a person, who believe, on this word, "You never know what you got, until you loose it!" I think, we should treasure what we have, not until you do not have it anymore. I think it is so stupid!

Anothing word of wisdom that I love came from one of my good friend, she said, "Wake up and smell that .....starbuck!" That is so why I love going to starbuck, I love the coffee, but most importantly, I always feel awake after starbuck.

Anyway, to continue my story, recently, I got into something, that I will regret it for the rest of my life. And luckily, I got a second chance, and thankfully, life is about taking chances and giving chances. I can not imagine, how I can go on with my life is I do not get this second chance. Have you ever think how it feel if you hurt the person you love the most? The most important thing in my life, even before my husband, and my baby. And I realize it when I almost lost it! How pitty....and how sad. So, another day, another wake up moment. Something that I have to treasure is now, this time, this moment and today.

My Little Sister, created on 09/09/06

I love the things that my family has once every year, we all gathered from all over the world, to celebrate my grandmother 80th birthday. This year especially, we had a grand but yet warm celebration of her age. One thing that I love the most was my little sister was here also!

As a little girl, when I was growing up, having a little sister, was not one of my favorite thing in the world, but through out my teen year, adulthood and now motherhood, she is the best thing ever happen in my life. And I can't believe that since the very first time, we were there in state together, we decided to live in the separate place, not like any other sibling, that usually live in the same place, and go to the same school, we enjoyed being separated.

Our separation never make us apart. However, now that I looked back, we actually grew closer. Yes, we both have our own personality, quiet extreme to one another, but yes, we have our similarity indeed. We understand each other pain and sorrow that life provided us, with that our bond was even stronger. We communicate as if we live next to each other, and we miss each other dearly. Through out our laugh, tears, hopes and freams, we have built this sweet connection that I really wish that my daughter will have one day, if I've ever decided to have more kids. And also, we admit each other strength and weaknesses.

I am so glad, that I spent vacation with her. I am proud that my daughter has a beautiful aunty, personally and physically. I can describe her even more than a free but a rebelion person at the same time. She is the one who believe that everything can happen if you put your mind and heart, her eagerness to prove that not everyone thinks the same way, and that what makes this world a better world, makes her to be one of a kind.

She is Leia's God mother, and I am glad that she is. Her spirit has flew the highest sky that she'd ever fly, and her creativity and love to the nature and art, I hope she will pass it on to my daughter.

There is no one quite like my little sister, she is sure little, but it you know her, she is not little at all!

Once Upon a Inner Child, created on 09/11/06

Inner child, according to Britanica.com means: an existing situation as an often repressed part of one's psychological makeup.

I never give any thought about this inner child. Not until, I skipped my regular once a week visit to my inlaw's house and of course I had to make up a vivid excuse so they let me not go to their house, and instead, I visited my best friend. After eating breakfast at (I think) the most funkiest in town, and shopped for cereal for leia and honey for her kids, we headed back to her place, where I had the most amazing session (and yes..this was better than Dr. Phil and Oprah) that I've ever had for a long time. We got down talking about the relationship that I had, why do I got mad with a certain important people in my life....and you know, all the things that you talked with your best friend, but it just got to be deeper. She took 8 session of the self discovery, where she learned that all of the feeling that now I had for this and that, for she or he, those are actually the representative of all the anger that I have when I was a child. I mean, I responded one situation to one person not with the feeling that I probably will say or defend myself if I could in the same situatuion when it was back in my childhood. Sound confusing?? Well..yes it is!

Every body has his or her childhood, and like most of the people, I will say...of course I have a good childhood! That was the exact words that I said, when my best friend told me about her sessions. One thing that I forgot to see or maybe I was in denial was that every child hood has its bad side of the story, and it made me traumatize, and when I think back about it, this is what I want to say,
"I don't think that I deserved to be in the dark room, just because I missed behave. I did not know better that time, I was only a child, and it should be YOU to correct it and not to put me in the dark room! I was dark, and I didn't like it, it took several years, until I realized why I like light so much!"

Now, I am a mother, and I am a huge part of Leia's childhood. Now ,I know that, and I have to watch what I am going to say, and to do with her. More than I know, I am also a teacher, that at least for once in a year of one student, I played a huge part on his or her childhood. Now, I know, what happen in the childhood carried on until the grown up years.

I lived in the planet where people believe, if it happened in your childhood, forget it, it happened a long time ago, or....I just have to yell one more time to this damn kid, he'll forget about it, he is only a child. Really??? Hmm...as a matter a fact, I was that child, and now I know why is Dave Pelzer who got abused by his own mother but yet, can function well as a human being. He wrote the book, he told his story, yes..to the world, and then he acknowlded his feeling. That yes, it was hurtfull and painfull and then he let it go.

As for me, I have to let what ever it was go, but I acknowlege my feeling about certain moments that hurtfull for me.

And for those who read this blog, if you are a mother or a father, just remember that you play a huge role in your child's memory of his or her childhood. For the teachers, (this is also a reminder for me) please please be carefull of what you are about to tell your student if you are mad, and don't judge your student, who are you to judge them, you are only a teacher!!!! For all the family members that also be a part of someone else's childhood, please be gently with those little people, they are too precious to get ruin from the early age. Life is already hard even without YOU fondling around.

As Mitch Albom wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie, Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do. I accept that I was hurtfull, humiliated maybe at the certain event on my childhood, but since I can't confront all of those people who I think made me felt that certain way, therefore I will let it go.

I thought, I thought, created on 09/21/06

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Tasia, where I am the queen that rule the kingdom single handed, I was once again, awake, from the alarm...
My story began here.....

It was monday, at about 6:22 my kingdom time, where I got an text messaging from the secretary of the school (as a queen, i am humbly serving in the near by school as a teacher), who requested to get a tester from the snack that we ordered from my aunt for field trip which was in about 2 days. After dinner, I texted my aunt requested the same thing, and she agreed to get a tester. So, I was being a helpfull niece, I offered her that I would asked my mother to get one of the bread that would be for the snack. So, at about 7:33, I called my mother house...my cousin was the one who answer the phone, so I asked if I could speak to my mother. She said, 'your mother is in the emergency room. We went to see the doctor, and your mom blood pressure was so high, it went from 160, to 180 and at the doctor office went up to 230/120. The doctor did not want to take the risk, so she couldn't go home, and has to stay in Emergency room so they can observe her'.
As she explained everything to me, all of sudden, I could hear her talking, but I did not think that I can understand or make any sense of it. So, I said, okay, I will be there soon.
I went to my husband, and told a very confusing story, but luckily, he got what I meant. So, I told my husband, you stayed home with Leia, and I'll go to the hospital. So, I did.
When I was in the car, I couldn't think of anything, all of these worst thoughts came to me. Was she going to be okay? Was she going to be worse? Should I prepared for the worst then? How could this happen? Anyway, I couldn't help myself to cry, and at that point, I felt so helpless. I couldn't do any thing.
I don't know much about my mother disease. I know it got something to do with the kidney, but if I have to tell in detail, I will have no idea. My mother however, is one energetic superwoman. And she has a good guardian angel. Her guardian angel is my cousin, she is a medical student, and has a huge concern of my mother health. She was the one, who dragged her to see the doctor that night, she was the one that took the number, filled the application, and got my mother to the doctor office. If it was not because of her, I would never think what will happen to my mother. I really dearly thankfull for her! My mother is fine right now. She is home at this time.

In the time like that, all that I can do is nothing, except pray and believe on my prayer.
In the time like that, was the time, that remaind me that I am just human after all (not a power fuff girl), that I can do so much, but there are lots of things that I just have to let it happen, and let the highest being in the heavan above do HIS work.
One think that I can't thank HIM enough, that He put a guardian angel to watch after His people.
I dedicate this blog for my dear cousin IRA.

About a Day, created on 10/15/06

What a day, what a day, what a day! Yesterday we had a very busy day!
We started off our day, by going to all places which sell toys, so we could buy a red wagon for Leia. She loves to ride on the wagon though, unfortunately, the wagon that we saw cost us a fortune, and we felt it was not worthed that way. I mean, well, she probably will play it until she was 5, then where should we put it after that? So, the search for little red wagon is still continue. We met my inlaws for lunch, then we went back to our house, since Leia just had about 30 minutes to eat and shower before her next agenda, neighboor 1st b'day party. After we went to tha b'day party, which probably was just about 10 minutes that we stayed, Leia was off to her next meeting, her very 1st hallowen party! She decided not to wear her costume, she cried and cried instead, so I took it off, and let her be comfortable with her cotton dress that she got from her aunty Bea. She loved it there at the party, she saw lots of children wearing different, colorful, and very nice costume. When the music started, she danced and danced, she laughed when a boy with a superman costume made a fool of himself, she chased a boy with a crocodile costume, and she tried to avoid being chased by an indian boy.....SO FUN! And every body looks at her, she was the smallest among other children, but yet, she was actively running and chassing big kids! What a brave little girl!

From there, we went home, Leia went straight to bed, and I proceeded to prepare our Sunday. Before I went to bed, I went on line, and check on my email. And then, there was a little thought came up to my mind! I thought I would like to call a friend that I always keep close to my heart, so I did! I called JILL!

At the moment that she picked up the phone, I know, I miss not just her, but every thiing that I left behind. Then, Jill came up with this question, "Do you like your life?" and I said, "Yes, I like my life, I think this is as good as it gets", then she proceeded to ask me more question, "Do you miss your simple life in here?" and I said, "Yes...I miss how convinient it was there, for example, I don't have to look around and ask around just to find a costume for leia, I would simply went to target and get the costume mysefl!" Then she said, " Yes, the convinient of it, you don't miss the simple life in here, in fact, it is not simple at all, For instance, take me, I have 2 children, I have to get up, get them up, get them ready, drop one of them to school and the other one to the day care, and I went to work. Then in the evening, every body is back at 6 pm, then I have to cook dinner, while my 3 years old cling with me. My house is a mess, and I feel tired all the time!"
So, here I am, having a nanny who takes care of leia pretty much 24 hours a day 7 days a week if I want to, a driver who drives me around town (so why am I complaining about trafic jam? I am not even driving!) a mother, who cooks and prepares lunch for me and dinner for my family, and my grand mother who supervises the nanny who takes care of Leia. So, what could I possibly ask for more?
Sometime, I know and I believe that a truly friend will put you in the prespective. More so that you see your life, other people could judge, but a friend will tell you the truth.
I spent a good hour talking to Jill, we talked about our daughters, her next trip to Africa to visit Becky (also our friend), a little red wagon that we are trying to find for Leia, and so much more. I really wish that I could spend halloween with them, that Leia can go trick or treat it along her beautiful neighboohood.

Hey, I maybe one day can have it all, but not at the same time.

My First Year With My little star Leia, created on 11/02/06

Time flew too fast somehow, this time of year, where the halloween just ended and on the other parts of the world, the snow starts to fall, or the cold has become colder, and in my part of the world, it should be rainy season, but most importantly, the celebration of my Leia's birth.

Leia is now 1 year old. I can't believe how fast she has grown. She is not just walking, she is trying really hard to run, at least to keep up to her peers and older friends. Her babbles start to become words, and her sense of humor has come out of the shell, making her so much fun to play with. Her eagerness to discover lots of things, have made her one of the follower of the curious george. She loves to play ball, and reads books. She understands words both in english and Indonesia. She is able to sign also, baby sign, at least we can communicate lots of things with her. She can identifies her need and seek for it. She is one happy girl most of the time.

So, my first year with my Leia had been wonderful. The motherhood has become one of my thing. Yes, sometime I feel I don't have time for anything else, since I have to please both sides of my family, so they will have an equal share of Leia, but most of the time, I can manage my time to be alone, or with my husband, which I think are the most important things right now.

Those 2 words...Good Bye, created on 03/12/06

I kept wonder and wonder if this life will be much more interesting that it already has. My life for instance, I don’t think I can do much more than enjoying every second of it. That’s the way it is I think, or I suppose.
In the past two years, my life had been change so drastically, for example, I worked as a social worker for the welfare families, and then it changed to a teacher teaching those rich wealthy children. I was single and enjoying my single life, then, I got married, and have a child. I was a single independent woman before, now I go back to be a devoted daughter to my parents, but still a rebellion daughter in law. Well…one thing has to stay the same, I decided. Over these years that I spent in a foreign country, that sad, because that foreign country is my country where I was born, and once I vowed that I will not ever forget where I come from.
Along the way of my adulthood, I discovered and recovered a lot about myself. Through those changes of knowledge, people, books, and stuffs, I wonder and wonder if I would go back to where I was before. Or, if I can do it all over again, will I go back then with what I had now?
I miss lots and lots of things, friends, weather, and stuffs. I miss the lakes, the snow, the Ridgedale, Southdale, Mall of America and one of the dale that I can even remember, was it Rosedale? I miss the big bowl, the mandarin kitchen, and the hamburger with the cheese inside. I miss fall, the leaves, the first snowfall, the lilac, the spring, the summer, the humidity, and the rain. I miss grand avenue, the Yarnery, the Caribou, the Starbuck. I miss the southeast community, the turtle park, the Como Avenue, my old apartment with the terracotta windows. I miss Izzy ice cream, grand o’le, Edina creamery, and the entire creameries there are there. I miss going to work everyday, going down to the steps in not so lovely neighborhood but I knew that I loved every step of the way there. I miss looking at the smile from my boss Katherine and my dear friend Katie, and then later we made plan to sneak out to get a chai tea at Dunn brother’s coffee shop. I miss the cold, the really cold one.
I really miss all of those things, that I practically who I was before. I have to discover myself as a daughter, a wife and a mother. And in this life, however, there are lots of things that I can’t miss.
I can’t miss the growth of Leia, smile at my husband when Leia first said “Bapak”, the joys of my parents when they saw Leia, her 1st steps, 1st bday, 1st words and 1st temper tantrum that she threw.
I do however, have a faith that one day, I will write about how I miss this life when I go on to the next one.
Lots of things, and friends I left behind. They will still be in my heart. The thing is, when I left, I don’t want to say good bye, I kept telling people, that this is not good bye, we will see again. But some time, we have to say good bye, we might not see each other again ‘till maybe a long long time. So with this, I am saying good bye to all, but don’t worry, my friends are always in my heart, those places are the most beautiful places that I’ve ever been in my life, those precious moments are staying with me forever.

The Art of Rain, created on 02/04/07

I live in the tropical weather that is for sure! There is hot season, and wet season! What a weather huh? We are now in the very very wet season of the year! And comes along with the wet wet weather is always wet wet water that actually as I am typing this blog, has covered 60% of my beloved city Jakarta. Sound scary? Well....you have to experience the inexperience yourself! As for me, this is the 1st flooded season of my life! It began Friday, when all of sudden, I couldn't go to work, due to flood every where, and my tiny car (not the batman car!)Unfortunately couldn't get through the almost 50 cm water that has been flooding everywhere, at least on my way to my mother house. So, I decided to head home instead to go forward.

Luckily, my house is in the safe side, well, I shouldn’t say that, but at least at this time, my house is still dry, we still have lots too eat, the vegetables vendor is still pushing their cart to sell the vegetables, and also the chicken vendor. So, at this point, I am still okay. My families are okay too, even though my grandmother is a bit concern about my situation (I live not that close to her), and she rather keeps me close with her, but then she had no electricity and running water on the day that I moved in with her (Saturday), so, I decided to come back home and stay close with Tommy and Leia.

Despite of the natural disaster that I am in right now, I feel relieve that I don’t have to go to work. I have more time to play and teach Leia lots of stuff. She has grown so much for these past months.

She talks non stop at this time, ordering the adults around her to sit, eat, drink, etc. She hums a song, dances a silly dancing, and works her finger to make her master piece with paints! She loves to paint, and she can ask for it! She is so much fun at this time.

As far as for me, I think life goes on then…Some how I feel, I always choose the wrong place to live, but it ended up well also some how.

As a Year went by, created on 06/08/07

Today was the last day of school. As a year went by, I have learned that it was harder to say good bye every year. As I watched my student’s progressed, I on the other hand, also progressed.

Also today, I have to say good bye to so many people, one of them was the truly great teacher of all. The future is waiting for her, who am I to stop her.

As a year went by, I have discovered that it was so true, that I couldn’t judge a book by its cover. Somehow, the inside of the book was worst than its cover. How sad, but how true…..

As a year went by, I knew that I was lucky to work with many powerful women. They knew what they wanted, and how to get it.

As a year went by, I was so disappointed because of the institution that I worked with, that I thought has a good intention, turned out to be just a business, well…a good business. No team work and nothing. Everything was just a face, anything else, it really doesn’t matter.

How sad, but how true…

A Place of Wonder

Recently I went to this place of wonder for children called Kidzania.
It is a wonderful place for children. They can experience things that one only can imagine. They actually can fly a plane or crash it, they can learn how to make candy, chocolate, noodles, ice cream and milk. They can be a fire fighter, a doctor, or a police officer. They can be a cashier at the grocery store or simply being a shopper. The shelves are at the children level, and the cart is smaller so they can push it.
This place is a truly place of wonder for children. When we arrived, it is just as if we just landed from the airplane. We went trough the ‘pretend’ immigration, they give us a check that we have to deposit to the local bank, in exchange to their money. They have their own currency, and children can actually use the money to buy stuff in side the town. By the end of our journey, if we still had money left, we can save it and they give us the ATM card! See..how cool is that!!! Then later, if you ever came back, you can withdraw the money from the ATM machine. I really think this place is so cool!! (Instead of the mall of course!)
We are so lucky living in this city, because there are only 3 Kidzania around the world. One in Mexico, Japan and in here. See…how lucky we are!
When I went to the children museum in St. Paul, I thought that place was a place of wonder. Well…I never been to other city maybe, but this one is truly a place of wonder, I haven’t seen anything like it before.
Well…back to a place of wonder. The city that I have been living for almost 4 years is also a place of wonder. This city is full of things or stuff or stores from other part of the world. You name it, we have it!
Okay, I have to admit that I love to shop, and sometimes, I miss to go to the store that I used to. But now, I don’t have to miss them any longer, because they have it in here. Yes, Banana Republic, Gap, Forever 21, Burger King, Mc Donald, KFC, and recently I just found out, they will open Cold Stone creamery in here. With outrageous price of course for these franchisees, GAP inc now has successfully not just over worked us in the Asia, but also sells clothes with so unworthy price.
What are we going to be? I mean, we live surrounded by all these branded stores that are sadly not from our origin, but people praise them so much.
This place of wonder is a replica of everything that we wish that we could be. But really, is it necessary? Nothing original.
This is truly a place of wonder, I’ve never seen anything like it!

Friday night Fever, created on 11/19/08

Friday is always the day that I look forward in a week. Not because it will be Saturday the next day, just simply because Leia will spend the night at my in laws place, and for once in a week, I can be me, without anymore title, no more teacher, and no more mom, just me. I usually spend it with my friends, or just by myself. On that day only, I can wear clothes that I can’t wear if I were with Leia. A mini skirt for example, I can never wear that while I have to run after her, or carry her around. So, my Friday, and me I love my Friday!

Last Friday was not like my ordinary Friday. It started out well, I went to Plaza Indonesia with my dear friend Alia, we had snack, chit chatted as usual, then we proceeded to grocery shopping at the pricy supermarket they have in that mall. I love grocery in this store, they have everything from local to outer space, with of course pricy price. Anyway, around 7-ish, I received a phone call from my husband, to inform me, that Leia fell down from the bed, she was jumping and fell down, then she threw up. Later that day, she had dinner and she threw up again. My heart stopped for a minute I think! I couldn’t think of anything! My husband suggested for me to call my father in law. So, I did, he told me what happened, and at that time, Leia was okay, she was watching her Barney show. I spoke to her, just to make sure that she was okay. Lot things came up in my mind, she had a concattion, brain damage, the worst thing that could happen to her, and I couldn’t bear to face that. I was so angry to the situation I guess, and why did my father in law had to call me late that evening, he should call me right after the accident happened. That what we should do at school. Right after the accident, call the parents! So, when I reached home, my husband came up with the plan, that we spent the night in my in law’s house and tomorrow morning we will take Leia to see a doctor. So, we did!
When we got there, my father in law right away hug me, and told me that everything was fine. Leia was talking and still active as her usual self. Leia was asleep at the time we got there. Then, we just have to wait till morning.
The next day, we woke up early, even before our daughter rose up from the warm pillow. When I saw her, she was okay, even though, I felt that I needed to take her to the doctor, and have her, x-ray, ct scan, everything that a doctor could possible do to make sure that she will be okay for the rest of her life. So, instead of going to see a doctor, I called my comfort group, which consists of my mother, and my very best friend. They all suggested different things to me, but at the end, I just have to calm my heart, and tell myself, that infect Leia is okay.
Being a parent is just letting your heart walk outside your body! How true is that!!!
My Friday night this time, was really feverish for me.

The year of 2008, created on 01/17/09

January 2008

I finally signed the contract at Etonhouse International Preschool and agreed to be train for two weeks this month. The first week was awesome, I found myself to be free from all the housework work and the routines. Plus, my good friend Tania came for the long weekend, and I had a blast. It was so hard to watch her go home though, and my second week was even harder. Observing in the preschool was not helpful at all, when I missed my own daughter very very much! And yes, I couldn't help to cry when I saw toddlers every where around the school!!! So, it was a great training and sort of vacation for me though, even though it was tough at the end, but it was all worthed! The training however, was great! I found my self thirst of something new to learn, new people to meet, and just new stuffs that I could enrich myself. So, it was really nice. And Singapore is always nice. I was glad that I went, and I came back.

February 2008

Leia's 3rd Valentine's day. She (or her teachers at school) made a valentine's card for the parents. It was so nice, even though I was so sure, that Leia had no clue what so ever about Valentine or the heart shape she made. But thanks to all her playgroup teachers though.

We went to Bali for a holiday. Very nice, and very quite as well. It was very very nice, very relaxing....

March 2008

Too many birthday to celebrate! Oma's bday and Bapi's bday were the blast! We all had fun and enjoyed the food very much.

April 2008

Eyang Uti's bday. We didn't really celebrate it though on her request, so we just went to our favorite mall, Plaza Senanyan and ate out there, I was pretty sure I bet it was in Charter Box, but I could be wrong as well. I was so busy during this month, since Etonhouse had its open house. I worked too hard within two school and tried to balance it.

May 2008

My heart full of joy and hope that I could be there with my sister, to welcome my new niece, baby Kirana!!! I am so happy for both My sister and her husband. Leia was so excited she is a big sister now!

My heart broken and shattered away. The school that I admired accuse myself to betrayed them. They told everyone and more pointed at me to be ethical and all. Sure, they were so ethical while accusing someone in front on the whole staff. So, I moved on. I took leia out from that school and started looking for school near by.

June 2008

I bit farewell to my old school, the school that I hold in my heart....once. I vowed never step foot on that school ever again, and I kept my vow till now.

I started the first week of summer program at Etonhouse. Directing a new school with a new program was all exciting and hectic!!! I was so stress out but yet again it was all worthed when they started to enrolling for the 1st term of our new school year! Yeah...!!!!

July 2008

My holiday was too short but it was okay. I spent most of them with Leia. I didn't go anywhere. I had so much lunch with my best friend Tania. I met Yenny and Deddy and for the very first month, we launched our first Tayada's Line. It was so excited!!!!

BOD told me my new position, I was so suprised yet so happy. I started a new term at Etonhouse. It was difficult at first, but it was so excited!

Leia started to go to school at Phoenix Kids. She had blast! I love the teachers, and the crowds. It all seemed so real. A little preschool, warm and full of warm and hearted teachers with reasonable price. Where can you find something like this in Jakarta.

August 2008

My sister came home with her adorable daughter, and hilarious husband!!!! I was in so much joy, I would skip a week of school if I could! I miss her so much! And thanks to skype...we saw each other every week now!!!!!!

This month I turned a year older. A year more of hectic and stressful year. I got a ice cream cake from my very best friend, it was so yummy.

There were a big incident in our school, I felt so tired and a bit depressed but oh well, it didn't mean to be, so it didn't mean to be....it was fine, move on....

September 2008

Nothing really happen, besides thinking what should I do for Leia's 3rd bday party. I asked Leia, and she kept saying that she wanted a birthday part at Hoka Hoka Bento her favorite restaurant. I told her, we'll see, but her Opa said, "NO" "Has to be in GG House" okay then, his wish was my command I guess. What ever....

October 2008

Leia's birthday. She turned 3 this month. We had a birthday celebration in her little school. I took a day off, my Tommy did too...Oma was still in States taking care of baby Kirana, so we had to wait for Leia's bday celebration till she came home. Leia got her first bike today. Her big pink bike!!! She rode it everywhere that day....and still rode it till today. She is still my baby though, as I told her every night before she closed her eyes, or before I left her in school, "You are always in my heart no matter heart..."

November 2008

Really??? Seriously??? November already?????? Wow!!!! We had Leia's big celebration with cup cakes again!!! Yes, cup cakes every where!!! Jade, Arthur, Kayla, Kelly and Valerie were there to celebrate also. Thank you for coming, hope you guys enjoyed the party.

Leia started her English club once a week on Tuesday. By the end of this month, she began to identify letters as well as numbers. She identified the quantity with the number symbol. She wrote her own name as well, and identified her names every where! We are so proud of her!!!!

December 2008

Hectic time of the year......so get this!!!

Leia got chicken pox, my mom admitted to the hospital, we had to go to Semarang and celebrated christmas in Semarang, too many xmas parties, and one xmas new years. And then my maid got a chicken pox. So, Happy New Year!!!

Is this for real?

I am in my 5th year of going back and living home. For what ever reason, I feel, I don't seem to fit here anymore. My minds are here, but my heart is somewhere that I don't even know where.
My sister just went for visit me for about 2 weeks, luckily it was a holiday here, so I totally spent my whole time with her. I was glad though, I missed her everyday in my life here. My Leia also enjoying the company of her cousin Kirana, they both had great time together. Leia had an experience being a big sister, while Kirana was doing a great job as a little sister. They both needed the experience. When Kirana left, Leia was sad, she cried the whole night, I think this would be a good experience for her on missing someone that really meant lots for her. At the night she cried, I couldn't comfort her more, and I wished I could, since I cried also missing my little sister already.
The thing is, I was glad, that there is a little on me in Leia and little on my sister in Kirana, so watching them, was like watching me and my sister. Maybe I shouldn't look it that way....but sort of.
Anyway...I really want to go back to where I was before, but yet, I don't think I could bare to say good bye to my family here. Though choice huh.....?