The fear of being a mother is one thing, the fear of being a good mother is another thing.
I live in the planet, where assistance comes so easy, as if it is the benefit of life itself. This planet believes that if everything needs help, you can not do it by yourself.
Since Leia was born, I decided not to have a nanny for her. When I was about to go to work, I decided to get a helper, who will help me take care of leia during the days I worked. Sadly, that didn't work. I didn't have a heart to let the helper play or even help me with Leia. I like having leia just with me, or my family. I don't really like the idea of a nanny, and being a preschool teacher makes me even harder to have a nanny.
Yesterday was a different story. As I wrote on my previous blog, Leia is 8 months now. soon to be 9 months. She is one active little girl! And my grandma, some how needs help to take care of her. My grandma is 80 year old healthy lady. so, I went to the agency who distributes and trains nanny. As I got to the administration office my heart was pounding, I kept wonder if I made a good decision. I kept going then, I have to at least give a try to the nanny idea. So, I interviewed my nanny to be, and I brought her home to meet my little girl.
Today is the first day that Leia has a nanny. She was unhappy today, not like other day. She didn't smile or laugh as much as she used to be in other day or she didn't eat as much as yesterday either. I supposed, she knew the differences.. There were not makco arond as much as other day, and mama had to go to back to work already. So, it all made sense to her today. Today she has to play with this stranger who happily entertain her all the time. When I came back from work, she looked at me, as if I was gone for a long time. She wanted me to hold her, and never let her go. It is so funny yet so amazing, to see the changes on Leia, a baby, my baby.
Tomorrow is another day, hope fully is a better day for her. As I whisper on her ears, that I will always love her, and never ever let her go....
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