Inner child, according to Britanica.com means: an existing situation as an often repressed part of one's psychological makeup.
I never give any thought about this inner child. Not until, I skipped my regular once a week visit to my inlaw's house and of course I had to make up a vivid excuse so they let me not go to their house, and instead, I visited my best friend. After eating breakfast at (I think) the most funkiest in town, and shopped for cereal for leia and honey for her kids, we headed back to her place, where I had the most amazing session (and yes..this was better than Dr. Phil and Oprah) that I've ever had for a long time. We got down talking about the relationship that I had, why do I got mad with a certain important people in my life....and you know, all the things that you talked with your best friend, but it just got to be deeper. She took 8 session of the self discovery, where she learned that all of the feeling that now I had for this and that, for she or he, those are actually the representative of all the anger that I have when I was a child. I mean, I responded one situation to one person not with the feeling that I probably will say or defend myself if I could in the same situatuion when it was back in my childhood. Sound confusing?? Well..yes it is!
Every body has his or her childhood, and like most of the people, I will say...of course I have a good childhood! That was the exact words that I said, when my best friend told me about her sessions. One thing that I forgot to see or maybe I was in denial was that every child hood has its bad side of the story, and it made me traumatize, and when I think back about it, this is what I want to say,
"I don't think that I deserved to be in the dark room, just because I missed behave. I did not know better that time, I was only a child, and it should be YOU to correct it and not to put me in the dark room! I was dark, and I didn't like it, it took several years, until I realized why I like light so much!"
Now, I am a mother, and I am a huge part of Leia's childhood. Now ,I know that, and I have to watch what I am going to say, and to do with her. More than I know, I am also a teacher, that at least for once in a year of one student, I played a huge part on his or her childhood. Now, I know, what happen in the childhood carried on until the grown up years.
I lived in the planet where people believe, if it happened in your childhood, forget it, it happened a long time ago, or....I just have to yell one more time to this damn kid, he'll forget about it, he is only a child. Really??? Hmm...as a matter a fact, I was that child, and now I know why is Dave Pelzer who got abused by his own mother but yet, can function well as a human being. He wrote the book, he told his story, yes..to the world, and then he acknowlded his feeling. That yes, it was hurtfull and painfull and then he let it go.
As for me, I have to let what ever it was go, but I acknowlege my feeling about certain moments that hurtfull for me.
And for those who read this blog, if you are a mother or a father, just remember that you play a huge role in your child's memory of his or her childhood. For the teachers, (this is also a reminder for me) please please be carefull of what you are about to tell your student if you are mad, and don't judge your student, who are you to judge them, you are only a teacher!!!! For all the family members that also be a part of someone else's childhood, please be gently with those little people, they are too precious to get ruin from the early age. Life is already hard even without YOU fondling around.
As Mitch Albom wrote in Tuesdays with Morrie, Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do. I accept that I was hurtfull, humiliated maybe at the certain event on my childhood, but since I can't confront all of those people who I think made me felt that certain way, therefore I will let it go.
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